The Topic No One Wants To Speak About

There is a topic that everyone thinks about, yes even the most conservative, and is affected directly by Fibromyalgia or Chronic Pain, yet most doctors skip over it completly, as quickly as possible, or ignore it.  It is also mentioned very little on the web, support groups or by individuals, considering how much information is really out there. 

SEX

So mom, dad, step mom, bro, and any other family members please stop reading now, I don't think you necessarily want to hear about me talking about sex.

You have pain, you are tired, not feeling so great about yourself, a little depressed.  Why should you think about sex, or care about sex?  At least this is what one doctor said to me when I asked about what I can do to get my drive back to what it used to be.  Just because the pain and all the fun stuff we deal with is there, doesnt mean we do not ever want to have sex again.

I have had many suggestions from doctors, and have read some suggestions online, including

• Plan sex for the time of day you generally feel best
• Take medications to allow the peak of the dose to occur during sex
• Avoid extra activity which might increase your level of fatigue
• Do gentle exercises to relax and to improve your range of motion
• Take a warm bath or shower to soothe joints and muscles
• Try new positions which might alleviate pain during sex

I can go through my initial reaction to reading this.  The last thing we need is more tasks to do for one activity.  This is alot of work to just have sex.  So you have to plan for the best time of day, and correspond that with the peak of your medicine (oh that is lots of fun, it is like Ward saying to June "lets push our beds together tonight).  Exercise to just have sex, I always thought sex was exercise in itself.  Then we have to take a warm bath or shower, I am tired already, as well as bored and you want me to have sex.  Imagine how the partner is going to feel "sorry hunny not right now, it is not that time of day", that is real spontaneous.  Oh wait the doctors have an answer for that as well,

"Sex can still be spontaneous at times. During those occasions you find yourself feeling better, seize the opportunity for physical, sexual gratification. "

If only your partners and your sexual desires would be on schedule with when the Fibro tells you it is okay.

Now I understand, that saving your energy, planning (especially for men suffering from Fibro who use the littly blue pill), and the hot bath, may sound good (or you can have your partner join you in the shower).  However, we are all human and sometimes our wants do not match what is good for us.  Also sometimes we want a sense of normalcy and this just isnt it.

My question is what about us single mom, and single fathers, who don't have the option to relax and follow all that is suggested?

There are things we can do.  For example, with Fibro we aren't as active as we used to be, and the meds make us a little chubbier, a combination of both can make us gain 10, 20 or more pounds.  This makes us feel absolutely horrible about our self image, and not very sexy.  We can start to take care of ourselves, a little bit of exercise, do our makeup, something special with our hair.  The better we feel about ourself, the sexier we feel, (also the more positive you feel will have other benefits for you). 

Positions, pick up the Kama Sutra, there has to be one position in there that will work for you.

Although you may not want to, there are great benefits to having sex for people who suffer from pain. 

"It turns out that sex, even without orgasm, triggers endorphins that ease pain and relax the body so that sleep becomes easier."

 Imagine that, it can ease pain. 

Whether you are 20, 40, 60, 80, male or female, the sexual desire is always there, and if you say it isn't, I don't believe you.  We have Fibro, it does not mean we are dead and lose the wants and needs we had before being diagnosed.  Try being spontaneous, try buying a new outfit, tell your spouses/partners what you want. 

The long term effects will be beneficial, at least they have been for me.

Remember, as well, the intimacy you have with your spouse (should you have one), will bring a bit of the connection back that may have been lost, it has for a few people I have talked to.