Although it doesn't look like it from the followers I have, all 2 of them, I received a lot of responses regarding my last two posts regarding children, the good and bad of having a parent who is sick. Much to my surprise most of them negative.
The majority of the negative comments were I should lie to my children, or people who live with chronic pain should lie to their children and not tell them what is happening. My question to them is what are we supposed to tell our children? Especially the single parents who do not have the help of taking care of the children when we have a bad day, or need to use a cane, or have to go into the hospital, or have to go to the doctors and do not have anyone to watch the children, what do we tell them?
I am a strong believer in telling children the truth. Obviously you don't go into the detail that you would with your doctor but you tell them the truth and details that are appropriate, you tell the truth in terms that is to their age. There are multiple people who believe otherwise, don't tell the children, if you have to lie. To me this makes them worry more.
The other statement that was repeated was, "tell them you are the adult, and they are the child and they do not have to worry". Just because they are children does not mean that they do not worry. Secondly, it is easy to say, but not easy to do. How many times have you received advice, or someone has told you something and you have thought "that was easy to say but try doing it"? Why is it different for children? I have told my children not to worry, I have explained to them numerous times that I have it because I can handle it, however no matter how many times I have told them this they still worry. I can tell them until I am blue in my face, until pigs fly, or until the end of time not to worry that doesn't mean that they won't. The one thing that does work, and has helped considerably is telling them if it is something serious I will tell you. This has helped because they know I will tell them, and they don't have to worry over everyday little things, or the days I do use my cane.
The truth works wonders, and I believe if you explain to your children, and not lie, it can help. But no matter how much you tell them not to worry they are going to worry, just like you. Children are no different. The other thing is if you lie to children, when they find out their is always a sense of mistrust. If something happens in the future then they do not know if you are telling them the whole truth, part of the truth, or the truth you want them to hear. I know I do not want my children to ever doubt what I say to them. Also what about the times that you say don't worry over and over, and your child finally clues in that them worrying can put more stress on you. They will hide their feelings, and lie to you in order to save you stress. Your child will no longer be open with you.
My feelings and thoughts, which I do not expect everyone to agree with, is that honesty with children whether it is something trivial or serious is important and key for them. They need to understand, they need to make sense of what is going on around them and without the truth they cannot do this.
The last point I want to address is that I was very seriously told by more than one person, more than a handful of people that it is wrong to let my children help me out. My children do no more than I did at their ages. They help with the chores, they clean their rooms, and other various things I did. However they are in tune when I have a good and bad day. On a bad day they know if we get up to get something to drink to ask mommy if she needs something, or on a bad day maybe lets keep the noise down a bit. Do not think I let my children do the cooking, cleaning and all I do is sit on the couch as one lady so elegantly stated to me.
I do appreciate all of your comments, please in the future post directly on the site and do not email. I will not post anything on the blog without your permission, so just post directly.
Thank you
Laugh Lots
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